Toy
by chatnoir-chan
Summary: Takes place after Rin reveals he's the son of Satan. Shiro's alive and Rin's sent to Demon Facility. Warnings for Rin's onesided love for Yukio, self harm, and suicide. Happy Ending though.


**Toy**

 **~ooOoo~**

I looked around with a snarl on my face. Amaimon had shown up and to defeat the demon King of the Earth, I had drawn my sword only to receive rejection from the hypocrites that had called themselves my friends. They were all liars, who spouted words of faith of trust, comforting whispers of having my back and being there to support me only to reveal themselves to being as hollow and empty as I felt.

The Angel bastard was ranting all this bullshit to the Grigori while Mephisto spun his web of tactful lies and half-truths. Shiro...The Paladin had nothing to say; he only gazed at me sadly through his red tinted glasses as he awaited his verdict. He was lucky that the clown was covering so well for them both or he may be facing more charges for harbouring the child of Satan.

The moment of truth came. Mephisto and the old man would receive a warning and a slap on the wrist while I would be sent off to some facility to be studied and 'contained'. The fuckers actually used that word as if I was some rabid animal with no intelligence and a habit of mauling my handlers. Shiro opened his mouth, maybe to protest this decision but Shura stopped him with a solemn shake of her head.

Arthur Auguste Angel looked pleased with the outcome although from the looks he shot my guardian and the director of the Japan branch. The blond man would have probably been even more ecstatic if they had faced some heavier consequences because all they had really lost was their toy...or weapon from the way Mephisto had described the reason for not drowning me at birth.

I hate these humans that judge me and shackle me with these heavy silver chains etched in symbols that burn my skin. But more than them I hate my so called family and friends that have abandoned me.

I also despise myself for once believing them and for the pathetic tears that threaten to spill from my eyes with the knowledge of how alone I am in this world.

It consumes me...

 **Five Years Later**

I am living in a man-made hell. The Facility was where a bunch of exorcist scientist fucked around with half demons with cruel experiments and drugs that shouldn't be used on any living organism. Now at the tender age of twenty and I was quite fed up already with the whole set up.

Wake up, be dissected while fully conscious (I know what my own bloody rib cage looked like when forced apart to reach the fragile organs underneath...not something easily forgotten), try the new batch of chemicals that cause violent vomiting of blood (or some similar reaction), be forced to fight another half breed demon in the 'Arena', eat, more dissection, sleep, and repeat.

And they say demons are cruel... these humans had nothing on us.

I was sitting in a black t-shirt and dark wash jeans, with no shoes because most times I was lying on a lab table and had to take them off. After doing that around twenty times a day it got old pretty fucking fast so abandoning the effort by just not bothering with shoes anymore seemed rather reasonable.

'The Doctor' as we called her slipped into my room (completely white with no windows, a bed, toilet, and sink) and smiled in such a fake sugary sweet way that I almost gagged at the sight of her. Her dark brown hair was pulled into a tight bun with her glasses perched on the tip of her nose; she stood with her pen already poised over her clipboard.

"Rin, today rather than your usual round of tests you will be used as the example for the Facility's improvement report." Her voice was high pitched with excitement...Gross.

I stood up slowly not exactly eager for anything that made this sadist happy but followed obediently behind her as she led me through the winding white halls. We arrived in a room with a surprising amount of actual colour in the colour scheme. I was shocked to see some rather familiar faces but was careful to keep my face expressionless.

Old Shiro was looking about the same and all my former exwire classmates (excluding the puppet kid) with Shura and my little brother. They had all grown in the last five years and matured. Bon had gotten rid of his blond streak but kept the style the same while Shima had dyed his hair a light golden brown instead of pink. Konekomaru was now my height while Shiemi had grown out her blond hair and Izumo had switched from girlish pigtails to just a long elegant ponytail.

And finally Yukio, my sweet little brother had ditched his glasses for contacts and looked even taller and stronger than before and breathtakingly handsome. You wouldn't think we were even related with how different we looked now. How neat and well put together he looked while I was a complete slob with matted black blue hair that now fell to my shoulders and a shirt too big on my scrawny and malnourished frame (my body couldn't keep up with all the healing it had to do with the food they gave me) and pants that were scruffy from the ground.

They looked just astonished with my appearance but I ignored them in favour of the Doctor's speech.

"It's so great to have you here Paladin. " The bitch gushed excitedly, "It is an honour! Now this is the best example of the fruits of our labours. This is Rin, experiment Zero. Now first to cut all ties that might affect his reaction to our orders all memories are removed from the subject. Then..."

"Wait!" Shiro interrupted sharply, "Are you telling me he has no memories of his past at all?"

Well, about that...No, because whatever they did failed and I was smart and talented enough to fake my ignorant obedience.

"Yes!" She nodded eagerly not seeing the disgusted looks on all the exorcists faces and went on eagerly talking, "So after they are removed the subjects emerge as children; easily taught to obey their Masters, the exorcists. Perfect to bring along on missions as a tamed demon! They will do anything."

And to prove her point she turned to me with her dull eyes shining, "Subject Zero take this pen and stab yourself until you are told to stop."

She handed me the pen and missed the outrage of her all her precious guests' of honour faces. Oh my, they looked like they actually cared...though it was a bit late.

I took the stupid writing utensil and started to violently thrust it into my gut. It was easy to ignore my pain until it dulled to a faint ache. This place had really built up my pain tolerance. But I was really starting to cause a mess. My hands were covered in blood that streaked down my arms in thick rivets while every time the pen made contact with my abdomen it made a distinctively wet sound of a solid hitting raw meat that disturbed even me. My arms were so heavy they felt like lead. I fell to my knees into a puddle of my own blood determined not to reveal I was not like the others...I am a puppet too.

How long had I been doing this? I could not remember but the Doctor did not tell me to stop so I don't. My jabs are slowing down and she just gazes at my fondly as if I am fulfilling all of her expectations. Good thing I didn't get my hopes up when she had said I wouldn't be doing the normal routine. I may have actually preferred it to an evening with my little personal Judas'.

Shiemi is crying silently and telling Shiro to get her to make me stop. The others look nauseated and I share in those feelings. Maybe I should tell them to take a step back in case I throw up? Yukio though is hard to read but I can tell he doesn't really care for the Doctor; must be because her name is an insult to the profession.

The old Paladin snaps something at her but I cannot understand it because there is a roaring in my ears that drowns out everything else. Sometimes I wish I was a bad actor and they had realized their mistake and had actually taken away my memories. The others did not look as affected by the pain as I felt.

Her lips move in a familiar way and when I faintly recognize the word 'stop' I cease all movements and the bloody pen rolls out of my hand unto the floor. I am silent as I struggle to my feet. I am already healing...good because any more blood loss and I might actually pass out.

And I ask the question expected from me, "Are you pleased?"

The Doctor pets the top of my head positively beaming, "Oh yes, Rin! You have always followed orders perfectly."

Yes...Yes I have. But you will soon learn it was not without purely selfish reasons. It pleased me too imagine her face when I stab her through the heart. These humans will pay...I was not born to become a tool or a weapon. I had been born to rule with the god flame and gifted with a body that could survive in Assiah without deteriorating because of my power. I was born to defeat the Devil and take his throne and conquer what he hadn't been able to in the last thousands of years.

"I will be right back. Seems to be a problem with subject 24..." The Doctor muttered to herself while flicking through the papers on her little clip board.

How could she leave me here! That bitch...she should have dismissed me after making her point about enslaving half demons to be her personal bitches. But no… fucking numero 24 had to come and fuck things up.

So left alone in a room with the people that were once the closest to me and now think I no longer know who they are.

Shiemi summoned her little green man and stepped forward, "Let me treat your wounds, Rin!"

I took a step back for every step she took forward, "Zero...You are to address me as Zero, Human. Only the master uses the old name of the forgotten. Rin is dead; he died along with the memories. I am the weapon...I am the tool." I repeated the mantra dully like I had seen the others do.

But I couldn't contain the next words that spilled from lips, "I hate even the thought of receiving help from a lower being such as you. I have been enslaved but I have my pride, human. Do not come near me."

My sneer made her flinch and take a step backward. She did not understand...She didn't think I would be the same old goofy Rin after all these years, did she? My words also affected the others but they were better at not letting it show.

It had been years since I had expressed my feelings and letting out those few words seemed to break the mental dam and cause a flood of my unvoiced thoughts, "How I hate you humans! I have no memories of my own but I remember the feelings betrayal, rejection, and hatred that never leave! They cling like a sickness, infecting the mind with emotions that cannot be truly and fully understood. The Doctor thinks getting rid of the memories is enough...what a joke!"

I laughed now but it was cruel and empty...nothing like before.

"The order would be better off killing us half breeds because there are some things the body will always remember...and that is the complete hatred for those who have abandoned and persecuted you. Humans are liars who act as if they are without taint."

I was livid now...Shaking with my anger.

"I hate you! I hate you! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! HATE! HATE! HATE!" I was screaming nonsense now. Maybe I had gone insane after all these years?

The humans looked frightened...good. But I still screamed that one word while tugging angrily at my hair and falling to my knees and at some point (I could not tell when) 'hate' had morphed into 'why?". It sounded pathetic and broken like a child that had been abandoned and could not understand what they had done to be treated that way, to be neglected by those they cared about.

My heart felt like it was twisting and being pulled from my chest. I looked up at them and I realized with a start tears ran done my face. "Why aren't I good enough? Why can't we be friends? Why do you hate me? Why are you leaving me? Why am I monster? Why can't you love me back? Why?Why?Why?"

I started to trail off, my vision was starting to go black, "Why can't you just kill me?"

The words had barely left my lips when I finally lost consciousness.

 **Ooo**

I woke up strapped to a lab table. I could hear the Doctor apologizing to the others for my behaviour. She said something about if she had known about the possibility of them triggering my memories because we had known each other in the past then she would have brought another subject with her.

Whatever...I tire of her babbling and my head is killing me. I feel as if someone has bashed it in with a hammer and her voice is only adding to the pain.

I am shocked with my earlier behaviour as well. I can only guess this is why they tell people not to bottle up their emotions...because honestly when they explode it wasn't pretty. I grimace and interrupt the Doctor's rant.

"Oi, Doc...Why am I on the operating table?" I sound bored as if I had not just had a total mental break down. Good. I am pleased with my own success at acting nonchalant.

"Oh, Zero! Dear, it will be all right. I will get rid of all those pesky memories and you'll be all better." She had rushed over at the sound of my voice and now stroked my hair back from my face.

My anger flared and I glared at her with all the disgust and contempt I felt for her. The Doctor flinched and withdrew her hand.

I turned until I faced my old comrades.

"Shiro do not let her. End it for me. Do what you should have done twenty years ago and kill this demon, this cursed life form. I am tired."

He looked so sad and shook his head and opened his mouth to make is excuses but I cut him off in favour of turning to Bon."Suguro-san if he cannot than it must be you. You have always hated me. It might not be as satisfying as Satan but close enough, right?"

The damn idiot only clenched his teeth and ducked his head, refusing to even look at me!

I laughed hollowly to myself.

"What is this now? Those who would have gladly slain me with righteous vigour can now hardly look me in the eye when I beg for mercy. Oh, how wretched you all are." My tone was teasing and light as I pushed myself up with shaking arms snapping the straps with my demon strength.

I continued talking in an almost conversational tone to myself as I flung away the remains of my restraints and slowly pealed of my ruined shirt. "I guess I should have known I would be left to do it myself…and it is preferable when compared to allowing a lowly human take all the credit to ridding the world of a demon prince…"

Once my words had trailed off and I was left staring down at my thin chest I trailed my right hand along my belly up to where my heart rested. I did it softly with light finger tips just barely skimming the surface of my flesh; an affectionate stroke over the soft thumping organ that fuelled my whole existence. I dimly heard the Doctor calling for the guards to come and restrain me but I did not react to her atrocious yelling being so captivated by the sight of my nails lengthening into lethal claws. And once they were the right length I plunged that hand viciously into my own chest ripping out the organ that would provide me, with its absence, my final peace.

I pulled groaning with pain and ignoring the screams of the others in the room. With one final yank I tore it out, my broken heart. And I could hear the general shock at the sight; the process had been bloody and it would reason I would have found a horribly bloody piece of meat dripping in my hand. But I was instead greeted with the sight of something akin to coal in the vague shape of a human heart. It was black and rough and through the cracks riddling the surface was a faint glow of blue fire.

"How odd…" I muttered faintly. I felt weak and dizzy but knew that simply ripping out my physical heart would not be enough kill me instantly. I dropped it carelessly on the operating table and jumped off. My tail whipped excitedly behind me when faced with the two guards that had come to help subdue me and the Doctor's dull frightened eyes.

I pounced.

My claws wrapped around the two muscle's neck ripping them open while I snarled monstrously. I spun quickly grabbing the doctor and using her as a shield as I faced the exorcists, grinning insanely into the barrels of Yukio, Shiro, and Bon's guns. Shiemi looked near tears while Shura had already brought forth her demon blade and Izumo had her summoning circles in hand.

"Now, now…those two were menaces, you'll be glad I rid the world of them. And you Doctor will bring me to my sword…which I have missed dearly over the years."

I took a step back eyeing the guns cautiously, "Dear exorcists I am going to die, no point in all of that…once the light dies in that lump of coal I'm finished."

They did not react other than to throw my heart a quick glance. I used that second to pull the Doctor further while tightening the grip I had around her neck. I was surprised by what a complete mess she was; sobbing and begging, unable to even function, unable to form a complete sentence. This was a weak reaction for someone who usually with gleeful enthusiasm tortured half demons. I hadn't even put a scratch on her.

Sneering contemptuously at this pathetic waste of space I shake her rudely causing her to squeak a mousy scream, "Lead the way, my dearest."

She sobbed and pointed to the right and there was where I went keeping her between the exorcists and myself. It continued this way for a while but the closer we got to my sword the more I felt it. It called to me promising to fill the hollowness in my chest, soothing the pain that had consumed me since I had revealed my true self. And when the feeling was so strong I could feel nothing else but the song of my true heart, I broke the weeping doctor's neck and raced for the door.

And there it was…my demon heart; sealed after I was born and because I unsheathed it all those years ago while facing a Satan possessed Shiro, the reason I was here today. I ignored the other classic demon sealing weapons laid perfectly on racks attached to the walls to stoke the hilt of my own lovingly. I heard the exorcists pile in after me after confirming that the sadistic bitch was dead but they were easy to ignore as I pulled the blade out listening to the soft metallic hiss with a pleased smile.

My flames flared quickly engulfing my whole body before quickly flickering into just the tip of my tail, my horns, and my blade. Weak because I was so close to death…so very close.

"This will have to be goodbye…it is truly unfortunate that I spent my last years here but since escape would mean a lifetime of persecution and unhappiness, death seems to be the preferable alternative." When I turned to face them, I smiled and it was true and sincere like how I used to when I was still naïve and foolish and didn't know suffering.

They were unable to get a word in edge wise before I had broken the blade over my knee. The shock of pain that ripped through my body had me doubled over and I saw Yukio glance down at something in his hand. It was the heart I had left in the operating room and the moment the blade shattered the light that had been glowing weakly finally faded into nothingness.

I breathed a sigh of relief that it was finally over and slowly lowered myself to the ground, resting my back against the wall. The pain was excruciating but I had long learned to keep my agony to myself. I watched the flames flicker out on my tail and could only assume they had disappeared on top of my head as well. The fragments of my sword flickered weakly before they seemed to come together and I was shocked by the image before me.

It started off ghostly before becoming more and more solid. My flames had formed a mirror image of myself…only when I had still been human and ignorant of the demon world. It looked at me sadly before turning to the humans.

"I'm sorry but could I ask for my heart back?" It was like a dream watching the human me politely ask my brother for the lump of coal he clenched tightly in his fist. He handed it over hesitantly, obviously as confused as I and everyone else was.

"How sad that we should end this way…" The spectre continued sadly stroking his hand almost lovingly against my face with sad azure eyes. The coal that was once my beating heart was slowly transforming. The thick tar that covered it faded away until all that was left was a small blue crystal in his slender hand.

After a slight cough I answered weakly, "It seems quite fitting….I was always such a joke."

"No, never that... You were just heartbroken and betrayed and oh so very lonely." Human Rin replied rubbing a finger over the smooth surface of what remained of such a delicate heart.

"We were always so vulnerable, so easily hurt. We were quite good at pretending but nothing ever hurt us more than you." He turned to look at Yukio almost accusingly.

"No!" I interrupted but a wave of weakness made me dizzy and I knew I was drawing close to the ultimate end.

"You don't want him to know the truth? This is our last chance." My duplicate questioned surprised.

"What are you talking about?" Yukio questioned tersely.

My hand weakly reached out to pull that fucking little snitch part of me back, to make him stop. But, he easily escaped the limp hold.

"Why your betrayal was the greatest. When we had lost hope in our dear friends," Now that sarcastic tone sounded like me, "whose shallow love was easily forgotten. And when we lost faith in our father, our dear daddy it hurt. It hurt a lot. It felt like the one person who I knew would always love me was a truly hurtful lie. But, we preserved. Because the one person we never lost hope in was you brother. It was the only thing that kept us…slightly sane. You would save us, save me because that's how close we are or were seems to be the more appropriate phrase.

"When they tore us apart, shamed and humiliated us, and then shabbily put us back together. We screamed for you through the pain. BUT, you never came. We would have come for you." And the accusation was clear and damning in those eyes. It startled me to see the depth of my emotions brought to light like this but with my growing amazement grew dread.

"But our hope never died…along with our love."

I knew what was coming and was hopeless to stop it. This was the secret I would have taken to the grave happily. I moved jerkily trying desperately with my weak dying body, hot tears rolled down my face in humiliating despair.

The spectre noticed immediately and turned to help me straighten up. I shook my head weakly as I breathed with difficultly, my lungs beginning to fail and the oxygen I greedily gulped down hardly making a difference.

"Yes, our deepest shame, our unnatural admiration for you Yukio. If the roles had been reversed we would have defied the order. Fought to the death for you just to ensure you were happy, never knew persecution and cruel words. But, you didn't do the same." And with those last words the human me faded and the crystal fell to the floor with such a delicate ring and faint glow that faded into nothing before shattering into dust.

I closed my eyes not wanting to see the judging and disgusted eyes of all those I had once known and trusted above anyone else. I struggled to take those final breathes, body slumping to the cold floor. The coolness made me shiver and I laughed at the demise of at this particular demon prince, unbelieving of how cocky I had once been in my own mind, claiming a right to Satan's throne and the human world. I was finally slipping away when strong warm hands lifted me up, cradling me on their lap and curled so my face was buried in a soft neck.

My eyes snapped open in surprise and stared disbelievingly into a forest green eyes I knew better than my own.

I broke.

The tears that fell from my eyes were from happiness now and my smile could not be any brighter. This was all I had ever needed from him. To be there to hold and comfort me after all that I had gone through. It was all I needed. And that hope that had never really died flickered before becoming a hot burning flame…and I forgave him for making me wait so long.

"You finally came to save me Yukio."

And I knew no more.

 **The End**

 **Epilogue**

It had been five years since Rin had killed himself and I still felt so broken. I had lost my other half, the brother I had sworn to protect and instead I had driven Rin to suicide.

After Shiro had come back from bringing Rin to the Girgori when his heritage was discovered and had told me that my brother was being brought to a special facility run by the order to train half-demons I had been struck dumb. I no longer had my objective to focus on. I had become an exorcist to protect Rin and now he was gone.

To distract myself from his painful absence I researched all I could on where he had been taken in the Order's archives. On paper the place seemed like a haven for half-demons that suffered from being unable to be a part of either world. Our friends and Shiro constantly reassured me that Rin was alright and being taken care of (even though Bon would have a snarky comment or two about Satan's bastard-I would put him in his place immediately afterwards) I always felt something was a little off about the place. Something felt wrong to me and some days the feelings were so strong I felt nauseous and would get sick.

I rose through the Order's ranks easily, thinking only of Rin's dream to become Paladin, and had reached the rank of a First Class; although it brought me no satisfaction when I went home and there was no one waiting for me.

And finally it came, a folder that by chance I happened to see while walking through the Japan Branch office, my salvation. Facility 27 was under review. I had taken the folder excitedly already planning my argument. I went to see Shiro after half an hour of brainstorming and he not only agreed that a First Class exorcist should go but the whole team as well.

I'm sure he had a happy reunion in mind.

It is not what happened.

He looked broken, my Rin. I almost threw up when I saw him. The negative feelings that had been welling up the past five years crashed over me at once. I had known something was wrong but had ignored it and the result of my ignorant selfishness had become apparent.

His hair is long and messy now but still so beautiful; raven wing black with an azure shine. His skin looks fragile like silk and porcelain and his piercing blue eyes seem to glow. Rin wore a black t-shirt with a pair of jeans scruffed at the bottoms. My brother had always been slender with lithe muscles but now he had lost so much weight that I could only say he was a slip of the person he once was. His limbs like delicate bird bones.

He was still so beautiful even while looking so broken.

The doctor that ran the facility talked and talked and my annoyance and rage flickered so often I feared I would have to be physically restrained to avoid killing her. She had taken his memories and was no forcing him to harm himself. I was furious at the sight of the blood covering my brother's hands and splattering the floor. Shura kept a firm hand on my jacket sleeve and I had to resist shaking her off to strangle the deranged woman who called herself a doctor.

She finally told him to stop and I could have sobbed with relief.

She left to attend to some other poor half demon. I'm sure my only came from the thought that this place would be closed down. The reports they sent to the Order were completely different from what was going on. Shiro looked just as upset as I felt.

Rin stood shockingly still. His words rang loudly in my mind. 'Are you pleased?'-it was a summary of his life, the question he was always asking himself; the Rin who smiled for the sake of others, my selfless and honest nii-san.

Shiemi approached him with the intent to help. He rejected her fiercely, azure eyes and fangs flashing. He spoke of his lingering hatred and his pain was my pain. All his words were true and it hurt to admit and then he started screaming hate, over and over again until it became why. Mt heart broke with each 'why' and with each question and his last desperate inquiry haunted me even all these years later.

'Why can't you just kill me?'

We had driven him to this point. I had abandoned my loving nii-san is this horrible place and realized with gut-clenching fear I would probably never see my brother's beautiful smile again. Rin had always been there to comfort me, quietly reassure me, and strongly support me in anything and I done nothing for him in return.

They were hauling his unconscious body out. They were too rough. He was so fragile now I was afraid he would break in there clumsy hands. I stepped forward and took Rin from the oaf and he was so light I was nervous myself. His long eyelashes were wet with tears and his lips bled a little from where he had been biting them. I wanted to wipe them off.

I asked where they wanted me to bring him and the sick doctor pointed the way, nervously tugging her limp brown hair. I laid Rin softly on the silver operating table. Nurse and staff sitting on the sidelines quickly stepped in to start restraining him with leather straps etched with demon strength sapping symbols. I wanted to scream at them not to touch him. They didn't deserve to be near someone so perfect; nobody did...not even me...

While the doctor was making excuses in her nervous and mousy manner I was watching Rin.

His eyes were dazed but as he started to focus his eyes fell on me before moving on almost disinterestedly. It hurt more than it should concerning I hadn't been very attentive to him the last five years and had no reason to be so hypocritical. His tone was dry and sarcastic as he mocked the doctor and us. Rin wanted it all to end and my heart screamed in agony that such a bright and optimistic child would be turned into...this; so sad and defeated it was almost too painful to watch.

He ripped free from the binds, surprising me. But Rin had always proven to be stronger and better than what people expected.

He moved languidly. Removing the bloody shirt with a wince and revealing his perfect skin. It was completely unblemished with just traces of his dried sticky blood contrasting the marble like tone of his flesh. His ribs poked out like a starved animal's and his belly hollow. My brother's thin fingers traced a trail up his chest, just above his heart, nails lengthening into deadly claws.

My heart literally stopped when he plunged his own hand into his chest and wrenched out his heart. Rin's face was one of pleasured pain and when his eyes caught sight of the blanked goal he snickered almost unsurprised by the sight. I was rooted to the spot unable to move.

What happened next I only remember as a blur. My beloved brother now heartless killed two men accompanying the doctor before killing the doctor herself. He spoke of his sword and when we followed him into a room filled with all sorts of weapons I was only able to watch as Rin with his azure eyes filled with resignation broke the demon blade over his knee.

Again agony twisted his features.

And again my heart stopped.

Because there was now no way to save him; Rin's demon heart, his true one had been sealed as an infant and with that intact he should always be able to regenerate like a normal demon, no matter the damage. But now he truly was going to die.

The blue flames flickering in his heart, which I had picked up before following him, finally extinguished with a hiss and I held back a sob.

Rin slumped against the wall; his form weak and defeated.

And because the situation involved my older brother something totally unexpected and unheard of happened. The fragments of his katana glowed faintly, the same azure blue as his eyes, and formed another…him. Only younger, still 15 and sweet and naïve; it looked unbelievably solid.

And then it spoke and those words would haunt me for the rest of my life, even after all these years I would be crippled by my own guilt.

I had started to drink after we left that facility that day and even more so the day of his funeral. His final smile kept replaying in my mind and I would cry at the heartbreaking beauty of it.

My half demon brother had never lost faith in me but I had abandoned him.

And his last moments had so purely loving that I had become distraught and disgusted with my own selfishness and self-indulgent promises to take care of him.

After, all I was able to take was the small crystal the double Rin had left behind after he had disappeared.

I kept it on me always, strung along a thin cord and resting next to my heart.

I had found life so worthless after his death that Shura and Shiro had to literally force me to eat and take care of myself. It had been a while before I was able to work again and even my performance was mechanical. I couldn't bring myself to care about anything, the cases, the people worried about me. My only concern being the only thing I had left of my nii-san wrapped around my throat. The others had felt guilty of course, but Rin had never mattered as much to them. They had already moved on, pushed the memories of a naive and sweet 15 year old half demon and 20 year old broken toy to the back of their minds. Brought up only in the silence of a long night when one's darkest thoughts wormed its way back to the forefront of their minds with a glimmer of guilt.

I couldn't stand the sight of them now. Poor Shiemi and her crush, I rejected her harshly. Done with her ramblings, and her concern, and her stupidly flushed face when she talked to me. Five years later and my rejection still caused her to pale in my presence. She would shrink like a wounded animal, trying desperately not to be noticed. I would ignore her, giving brusque orders, as I was known to do now. Cold and aloof with her and all those I had been close with before. After getting me back on my feet I had cut ties with Shura and Shiro. Unable to admire or look up to them any longer. I had been surprised by Shura's acknowledgment and respect of my change in attitude. Our relationship was completely professional and distant. I would be one of the few people that she did not tease of mock.

I saw Shiro very rarely. He was busy being Paladin and I was busy trying not to hate him. I was angry that he had convinced me not to check on Rin sooner and that he hadn't been _more_ concerned with his welfare. The sight of his smile infuriated me. It should be Rin alive and smiling, grinning as he learned the skills to become the greatest exorcist. The thought brought a small smile to my face. An exorcist I was working with saw the small expression and looked so shocked it was bordering on frightened.

I glared and he looked away.

The temple we were working in at the moment was spacious and my look suggested he should move elsewhere as we waited for the ghost to appear. It seemed that he understood my intent because he quickly scurried away.

There was a commotion at the entrance. I had been informed that the Paladin himself would be showing up when two other First Class exorcists. It happened to be Shura and Arthur. I could deal with Shura but Arthur was another story. He had no reservations about talking to me about how I should be glad that my abomination of a brother was dead and that he had had enough sense to end his own wretched life. The last time we had seen each other and he had gone off into such a tangent I had attempted to kill him. I knew for a fact that he had a nice scar across his collarbone where I had dug a sharpened pencil after a comment about how _creatures_ like Rin should be put down at birth.

I acknowledged the new arrivals with a nod. All of my team was gushing at them but a cold look from me had them returning to their posts with haste. I waved them towards the back of the temple to an old staircase that led deep into the earth under the temple. It was a silence that even I had to admit was awkward and tense but what I actually preferred. I pointed out a deep pool that was sacred to the temple when we reached the bottom of the earthy basement.

I told them the brief history the monks had provided and explained that this is where they had seen the specter most often. As I walked closer I had to stop and his as a burning sensation seared my chest. I ignored their questions of concern and wretched the necklace from under my clothes. The crystal glowed, shining almost blindingly in the darkness of the cave. The sacred pool seemed to respond, a similar blue light beginning to glow under the surface. I suddenly had a very clear idea of what I was meant to do. I would follow my instincts this time. I broke the cord harshly, the pain was faint and dull as I walked determined towards the water. I distantly heard Shiro ask what I was doing and saying I shouldn't act until they figured out what was going on.

I ignored this advice.

At the edge I stopped, looked was last time at what remained of my nii-san, the only thing in the world I truly cared about now, and dropped it in the water. The tiny ripples were mesmerizing.

It was silent. One beat. Two beats. The water stopped rippling, calm and still again, all lights extinguished. Three beats. Four beats. I begin to worry, although I have no idea what I was expecting. Five beats. Six beats.

And it breaks the surface. A pale slender hand. It is joined by another. They reach for the edge desperately and I am shocked into action. I grab the limbs and I pull until a face breaks the surface. I am almost surprised enough to let go when I see it is Rin's face. I thankfully do not and finish pulling the boy up. It looks like Rin when he was 20, only healthy, he splutters and coughs up water. I then realise this boy is human. No tail, or pointed ears. He is confused and naked and shivering. I rip off my jacket and wrap it around the slender form. He looks directly at me, eyes the same azure blue and a smile begins to stretch across his face. Achingly familiar and sorely missed.

He speaks, "Did you miss me, brother?"

I do not answer. I believe the way I crush him to my chest and the silent sobs that wrack my body answer this question well enough.

No longer would I put duty before my love for Rin. The world could just fuck off because this time I would truly protect him properly. I was not wasting my second chance.

 **THE _HAPPY_ END**

 **Take it as you will.**

After Yukio quit his job as an exorcist, focused full time on medical school and became a great surgeon. Rin went to cooking school and with his brother's help opened a small restaurant. They both reconciled with Shiro and lived pretty ficken happily :) YAY!


End file.
